Ironic

Why is it that you fuckin' remember every bad things that have happened when you're sad?
Like the first time you got your bruise, scraped your knee to the bone when you first rode a bike to school. You just wanted to feel the air.
Or that moment when your Grade 6 teacher caught you, humiliated you when she saw you passing a paper of answers to your seatmate.
When that specific moment, you just wanted to be friendly to her.
Memories came flooding back when your guy slapped you hard, really hard, square on your face when you told him hi got you pregnant.
But you just wanted to be loved.
You just wanted to be accepted.

And now, you face a sea of people unknown to you, their grinning facades overwhelm your being.
You now feel the air as you stand on the podium. People are suddenly friendly. And they now love and accept you as you are.
You flash a smile and wave at them, eyeing each and everyone with blurry eye.
Because tears already well up in them...
... and all you really want to do is cry.